"Equal protection of the laws."

This is a joke:

"A federal judge today sentenced Scott D. Sullivan, who acknowledged his leading role in Worldcom's $11 billion accounting fraud, to five years in prison - a fifth of what sentencing guidelines suggested and a striking example of the benefits of working with government prosecutors."

This, despite the judge's conclusion that Sullivan had indeed been the "architect" of the largest accounting fraud in U.S. history. Under those same federal sentencing guidelines, a five-year sentence is "suggested" for dealing between four and five grams of crack. I have no idea what the precise street value of 5 grams of crack is, but I can confidently say that it's a fraction--and an exceedingly small one at that--of the $11 billion in shareholder losses occasioned by Sullivan's malfeasance. Hilarious. Ebbers, Sullivan's boss, went to trial and got hit with 25 years.

Knowing this, we would all be well-advised to get down on our knees post-haste and suck the cock of every federal prosecutor that comes knocking on our door, should we get caught with our hands in an $11 billion cookie-jar. Don't hesitate to sell out your boss, that's why he makes the big bucks. Oh. And don't deal crack, stick with the powder cocaine (or at least large-scale corporate fraud).

The Sullivan case brought to mind the three consecutive twenty-year sentences that a rapist once received for what most would consider one rape--he got hit with multiple counts for switching positions and ejaculating more than once. So, moral of the story part three: if you absolutely need to rape someone, stick with what works best for you.

I accept that this is in very poor taste, and considered deleting it. But to thine own self be true.