Don't touch me.

I have attention span issues. It’s hard for me to work efficiently unless I’m under the gun; otherwise, my mind can’t help but wander. Sometimes, that process leads to absurd results. I often get very angry about trivial, but nonetheless unresolved, things that have happened to me in the past. For instance, I just thought of how my last three girlfriends have all punched me in their sleep. Their excuse was that they had dreamed that I was perpetrating some sort of emotional indignity on them, and physical violence was appropriate. That really pissed me off just now. First, I didn’t actually do shit. I’m not responsible for your subconscious ideas of who I actually am. Second, it’s not fun to get hit when you’re sound asleep. It’s startling, and I don’t like it. Third, I hate it that women generally think they can get away with punching their boyfriends. Don’t fucking hit me. If you lay your hands on me again, I will jack you in the face. Stupid girls.