What the hell is your problem? Why don't you grow!

On Friday, I attended my brother's commencement. Earlier that morning, I was pleased to learn that John McCain was giving the commencement address. McCain delivered as advertised, and gave a decent speech about the necessity for a human rights oriented foreign policy, both as a justification for Iraq and as a plea for intervention in Darfur. While I disagree with foreign policy idealism--in short, it's not practical or even workable--McCain's speech was pretty neat. I later figured out, however, that McCain had given the identical address one month earlier at the University of Arizona's graduation. That's a little chintzy.

I also sat behind a fairly annoying group of white people. They were loud, bejeweled, and unnaturally orange. The woman immediately in front of me kept flipping her hair back onto my program, which was gross because it was dry and overly dyed. An hour into the ceremony, I realized that she was really, really, short. She was a little big for a dwarf, but certainly close enough. Having made this realization, her physicality started to freak me out. I couldn't stop looking at her grubby little hands and when she looked back, I was unsettled by her small, down syndrome-ish face. At that point, I started to feel bad because I suspected that she was retarded. But I later figured that she wasn't, because she was responding appropriately, etc., with her family. I suppose I now understand why tall people unaccountably loathe short people. I've dated a lot of short girls, which is nice, because you can throw them around in the sack. But since I'm never around people that are substantially shorter than me, my experience with pseudo-dwarf woman was unnerving.