Separate but equal. Please.

One of the most irritating things about my workplace is the firm's insistence on treating associates and staff equally. For instance, we have the same late night meal and cab policy. If you stay past 8:00, you get a meal and a cab. Sounds generous, right? It's not. For meals, I only get reimbursed up to $10, everything else comes out of my pocket. I don't think there's anyplace in America where $10 buys you a decent meal. Making matters worse is the fact that the firm believes that it's obligated--according to its own suspect interpretation of the tax code--to report cab and meal reimbursement as part of our income. Meaning that it's not really $10 bucks, once state and fed taxes are paid out, we're talking $5.75. I used to work at a firm where the trigger time was 7:00 and the cap was $30 before questions were asked. My solution is this: if the firm honchos are going to insist on being fiscally responsible fuckos, they should just cut the staff's meal and cab reimbursement plan in its entirety, and funnel the cost savings into a brand, spanking new associate reimbursement program with more realistic parameters. I don't think that this is as heartless as it sounds. While we get paid more, the staff doesn't generate revenue; we do. Staff is just a cost that's incident to doing business. Plus, there are far worse things in life than clocking in--most of the time--from 9 to 5 and getting paid $55k a year for it. Granted, you have to put in 15 years before you hit that pay grade, but 9 to 5 isn't so bad when 80% of your time is spent on the internet, fucking around. (Like me.) I'd also like a separate cafeteria, better coffee, and a plasma tv. You can take it out of the steeply reduced bonus you'll be paying me this year because I got conned into spending 300+ hours of my hours on pro bono.