I said it the last time, but this is the last time.
I've represented to my mom that I'll quit drinking upon turning thirty. She apparently took me seriously, as she brings it up everytime we speak on the phone. I meant it, in my own way.
I like drinking. It turns me into a loud, obnoxious asshole, which for a shy asian kid like me, is a surprisingly satisfying mode of expression. Drinking is FUN.
But on the other hand, I'm feeling very much over it. There are a lot of things that I just don't like about the process any more. Initially, during the eight or so years that I've been off the wagon, drunk me has slowly evolved into a raving lunatic. 95% of the times in my life that I've said, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING?!," I was inebriated. I have absolutely no patience while I'm drunk, I'm quick to anger, and all the dickhead things that I do are fueled by an unchecked sense of entitlement. Given my character, I'm rolling the dice that one of these days: (1) my girlfriend will break up with me; (2) I'll wreck my car; or (3) a lot of huge guys will kick my ass after I've inexplicably picked a fight with them.
Second, it's becoming a fucking crutch. I need to drink when I'm having a decent meal, I need to drink when I'm shooting the shit with partners, and I need to drink on a weekday night if I'm bored and there's nothing remotely entertaining on tv. I don't appreciate the mild, but not insignificant, physical addiction that's attendant in the process.
Third, I no longer get good results. I get hung-over. I get bored and sleepy. I can't talk so good anymore. That's lame. If all I want is to relax and be a functional retard, I'd rather smoke. And I hate to belabor the point, but as far as altering your consciousness goes, drinking sucks shit compared to all the other drugs that you could do.
Fourth, I get the asian flush now. I never did before, but now I do. I'm not a doctor, but I think it's reasonable to infer that something about my liver is different now. Realizing that one of your organs no longer functions as well because of something as trivial as what you like to do on the weekends was pretty jarring, at least for me.
So fuck drinking. I have about ten months left in me. I know none of you believe me, but do me a favor and call me on it.
I like drinking. It turns me into a loud, obnoxious asshole, which for a shy asian kid like me, is a surprisingly satisfying mode of expression. Drinking is FUN.
But on the other hand, I'm feeling very much over it. There are a lot of things that I just don't like about the process any more. Initially, during the eight or so years that I've been off the wagon, drunk me has slowly evolved into a raving lunatic. 95% of the times in my life that I've said, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING?!," I was inebriated. I have absolutely no patience while I'm drunk, I'm quick to anger, and all the dickhead things that I do are fueled by an unchecked sense of entitlement. Given my character, I'm rolling the dice that one of these days: (1) my girlfriend will break up with me; (2) I'll wreck my car; or (3) a lot of huge guys will kick my ass after I've inexplicably picked a fight with them.
Second, it's becoming a fucking crutch. I need to drink when I'm having a decent meal, I need to drink when I'm shooting the shit with partners, and I need to drink on a weekday night if I'm bored and there's nothing remotely entertaining on tv. I don't appreciate the mild, but not insignificant, physical addiction that's attendant in the process.
Third, I no longer get good results. I get hung-over. I get bored and sleepy. I can't talk so good anymore. That's lame. If all I want is to relax and be a functional retard, I'd rather smoke. And I hate to belabor the point, but as far as altering your consciousness goes, drinking sucks shit compared to all the other drugs that you could do.
Fourth, I get the asian flush now. I never did before, but now I do. I'm not a doctor, but I think it's reasonable to infer that something about my liver is different now. Realizing that one of your organs no longer functions as well because of something as trivial as what you like to do on the weekends was pretty jarring, at least for me.
So fuck drinking. I have about ten months left in me. I know none of you believe me, but do me a favor and call me on it.
4 Comments:
As I finished reading your post, part of me is sad because a large majority of my favorite stories that I like to tell are a direct result of you and/or my drinking. At the same time though, part of me understands where you're coming from; I'm come to learn the hard way that, when it comes to alcohol, I can't hack it the way I could circa 2001.
Just so I'm clear though: are we talking something along the lines of A) "full blown abstinence" B) "everything in moderation" or C) "willing to let it slide only for special occasions"?
Maybe you just need to upgrade to absinthe. Plus, Pepcid AC will fix the flush. Seriously.
Three cheers for not drinking!!
And for no spam comments!!
I prefer B, but that's just me.
Eddy: willing to let it slide on special occasions, but only in moderation. We'll see whether in actual practice, I'll give "special occasions" an expansive or restrictive construction. Same for "moderation."
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